Monday, August 2, 2010

Hell

"Chennai? Never heard of it! Don't take my words for this one" -- Oscar Wilde

"Its OK to be racist once in a while as long as the environment doesn't get polluted" -- Kashyap R Purnanik

"Too many quotes spoil the blog" -- Anonymous.

Ever had the symptoms of profuse sweating, itching, weakness, fever, dizziness, headache, loss of appetite and extreme thirst? These are all the symptoms of the fact that you are in the city of Chennai. This is the land where ice-creams melt the instant they are taken out of the fridge, the land where match sticks burn by themselves when exposed to light, the land of the deep fried people, the land of Karnatik music, the land where the sun never sets (or at least its heat), the land where fish can survive out in the open because of the alimentary humidity. The following post is dedicated to my current city, the city of Chennai.

Climate:
Chennai has a tropical ever-hot climate. It has three seasons summer, winter and the rainy season. Winter is usually between November 3rd and 5th. Rainy season follows it for the rest of the month. Although usually sunny and humid in summer, the weather packs special pleasent surprises that certain people desperately long for. A sunny day suddenly turns into a rainy one, the rain lasting for the rest of the day probably ruining your holiday. Once in a while beautiful cyclones surprise you by popping up and destroying lives and property. Some times, nature makes sure your laptops stop working because of overheating. The people of Chennai seem to enjoy these surprises and take life as it comes.

As mentioned earlier fish can survive out of water because they, just like people are always covered with a layer of sweat keeping their skin moist. Most mortals change their skin colour and darken within an year of living in Chennai, this phenomenon is called deep-frying. SPF-90 is the level of protection that is recommended by skin doctors to prevent the deep-frying.

The power consumption by cooling devices like the fan and the AC is humongous in Chennai as they are on through out the year. A lot of energy is however saved in cooking because, food materials can be directly cooked in the sun-light saving a lot of fuel.



Transportation:
The city has a lot of options for transportation like the deluxe buses, the bi-hourly train, the auto-rickshaws and the roads. The auto-rickshaw drivers are one of the most talented people in the country. They possess the unique ability of simulating the roads and the traffic in their heads to accurately pre-decide the fare of a trip. The rickshaw-meters that are almost never used for non-recreational purposes are so famous that the phrase has become an idiom. An example of its local usage being "Machcha this politician no? he is like an auto-rickshaw meter ya! Just ya totally useless only!" The buses are known for their comfort and cheap fares. The fares get cheaper a month before the election season to facilitate the easy movement of people to work for the elections.

Entertainment:
The Tamil industry is one of the biggest film industries in the world, ranked at #148 in the world. The industries are known for its hot Tamil hunks (Azagiya Tamil magans). Since there are very few girls left in the wild, there aren't many popular local actresses. The industry has managed to solve the problem by importing actresses like Shriya and Genilia to name a few. Other steps include having a male actor perform a female role. Actor Kamal Hassan has managed to do some of those roles. The Tamil film industry has produced a few awesome movies like Yarukko Yaro Stepne.
Kamal Haasan (female role)
Imported actresses

Yaruko Yaro stepne



Tourism:
Chennai is known for a lot of tourist places. It is the home of the best tourist locations. The tourist locations include the marina beach, the crocodile park, the beautiful roads and the buildings. Since the marina beach has been polluted with all types of organic wastes such as maize skin, it has currently been closed for renovation. The crocodile park has over a thousand crocodiles lying around sleeping for around 23.8 hours a day. Not much work has been done to find out whether the crocodiles are indeed living ones. Some close sources claim that some of the crocodiles are made out of clay and hence the lack of movement. These parks are supposed to be the most thrilling places in Chennai. The other tourist location that Chennai boasts of, the roads of Chennai will be encountered on the way to these parks and hence no separate plans are required. The same goes for the buildings as well. Within a days time, a tourist can explore Chennai. The list of tourist locations usually also include Mahabalipuram in it. A few other places inside Chennai can similarly be added to the list of locations. Pondichery, Ooty and Bangalore (all inside Chennai) all of which are worth visiting. Chennai is known for its beautiful people and the tourists of Chennai contribute to around 98.6% of such people.

Over all Chennai is a very nice place to live in during the days November 3rd, 4th and 5th.

8 comments:

Vasuki said...

LOL only! Especially azhagiya tamil magan is lol :D

Jagannath said...

Super Like! :)

Chappli said...

STUD! :) The auto guys part was super.. So was the female imports and Kamal Hasan acting part! You could have stressed more about Yarukku Yaaro stepnee though! :P

kirtika said...

"Ever had the symptoms of profuse sweating, itching, weakness, fever, dizziness, headache, loss of appetite and extreme thirst? These are all the symptoms of the fact that you are in the city of Chennai."
Nothing could convey my plight better. Nice one.

The_Bandicoot said...

Damn the Admin!!!
is what I'd like to say, but since I value my life,
Damn the Tourism!!!
On a side note, I demand a Tshirt for my services!!!

randomzor said...

replace chennai with mumbai/delhi/hyderabad and replace tamil with marathi/hindi/telugu and replace kollywood with b'wood or t'wood and the post wouldn't really be all that different.

and replacing chennai with insert-any-north-indian-town-name will make you a science fiction writer.

but its probably a good thing that you chose chennai and tamil. its not like the locals want you around either.

ktb
ps: bglr rox.

Zeba said...

Pondicherry is a separate union territory dude. And Bangalore and Ooty are definitely NOT in Chennai.

apoorva said...

LoL... I can see you are loving chennai :D