The art of Snoring

This post takes 5 minutes and 30 seconds to read.

You have probably heard people snoring, you have probably heard people telling you tales about snoring, you might even have heard from people that you snore. You probably haven't read any research papers or blogs that do thorough analysis of snoring. The act of snoring deserves a blog post and hence I will be stealing 5 minutes of your valuable time to educate you on the science, technology and the art of snoring. This post is not recommended for girls as it contains explicit content that they might find disturbing and also children below the age of 2 as they can't read.

A lot of research has gone into why people snore. Certain religions claim that snoring is a conversation between people and god in the night during the theta wave phase of REM sleep. Science has however not been able to successfully decipher any of the redundant waveforms of snoring. Some computer scientists claim that snoring corresponds to unary characters, ie, the number of times you snore in a day corresponds to an ascii letter. So a "hello world" in snoring would involve a person snoring 104 (h), 101 (e), 108 (l), 108 (l), 111 (o), 32 (_), 119 (w), 111 (o), 114 (r), 108 (l), 100 (d) times respectively on consecutive days. Others say snorers snore on purpose to irritate others and deprive people of sleep. This can be explained by the fact that the phenomenon of snoring has never been observed in the absence of people/technology around observing ^{[citations not needed for anything as this is my blog. If you want legitimate content get your own blog]}. As this blog is pro-aliens, we are not going to pollute innocent minds with alien mind-control conspiracy theories and we conclude this section here.

Snoring could be quite irritating for people who probably share a dormitory with a snorer as, it deprives people off sleep. Snoring could be particularly more irritating if heard from a non-stranger as one can't just put a plastic bag around the person's head to prevent the noise from exiting the vicinity, in the interest of the snorer's health. Snoring according to a TIMES magazine survey and a Mashable poll, is considered one of the best ways to irritate another person, (A post on methods to estimate the irritation ability of different tasks will be up soon) ahead of slow Internet, stepping on dog poo, spam mails and corrupt politicians. Snoring these days is considered a valuable tool by trolls to achieve their interests. In fact if there is a girl who hates you to the core for something you did, you should probably ask her to sleep with you and spend the whole night snoring to get your revenge.

In contrast, several people who are used to other people snoring, have reported that they haven't been able to sleep, in the absence of this background noise. This acquired taste could be addictive, and the absence could also deprive people of sleep.

How to snore - Snoring (acc to science) is caused because of obstructions to the passage of air in the respiratory system. One could eat a lot of ice-cream and oil to get the fat deposit on the windpipes in the nose or the throat. Some people even exercise their windpipes to develop a thick muscle to do the same. In recent days one can simply get a nose-job to deposit fat in appropriate areas. Thousands of dollars have been spent by aspiring trolls on these surgeries to boost their careers. Other techniques like recording sound and playing in loop, have been used to achieve the same effect as snoring, but with less success as, the snorer doesn't get the same satisfaction that he would otherwise get.

How to wake up a person who is snoring - Loud, sudden noises work the best. Firecrackers have been shown to do wonders. The usage of firecrackers to put an end to snoring has been illustrated in this video tutorial. One can also try pepper spraying the person spraying as it is a non-lethal and harmless weapon although the victims tend to start coughing instead of snoring as an effect. All the above mentioned solutions are temporary and the best solution to this problem is to cover the enemy's head with a plastic cover. Any intentionally snoring troll is immediately put off to sleep using this technique.

Snoring which used to be considered a normal night to night activity once upon a time, is now considered an art by the artist community. Snoring shouldn't be confused with farting which happens to be a totally different "art". Beginners often confuse between the two and there are methods(like the following method invented by yours truly) to easily distinguish between the two.

[Image above shows sound waveform for a fart, there is a long and continuous waveform which dissipates with time]

[Image above shows wave form for a snore, there is a periodic and less noisy set of repeating waveforms that continue till the snoring ends]

So in summary, a snore goes like < start > Snoooree ... Snoooree ... Snoooree ... Snoooree ... < continues > and a fart goes like < start > Faaaaaaaaaaaartt ... faaart .. fart. < end > This technique has been successfully adopted by the scientific community to distinguish between the two. Other methods such as locating the origin of sound have also been used but such smelly methods are now deprecated.

All these new ideas we have currently introduced seems to question the age old theory of Intelligent design, if god was really intelligent when he designed us, he would have probably given us the ability to shut out all sound as we do with our eyes. Since we have gone through enough discussions on god on evolution in this blog, this idea is left as an exercise.

In conclusion, if you found the post to be irrelevant or disturbing, please blame the moron who snored all night depriving the author and a couple of other people of sleep for making the mistake of using the office dormitory on one unfortunate night.

If you feel snoring deserves some recognition and probably be introduced as a sport in the olympics where one could contest for being the loudest snorer, please spend a minute of your time and sign in this petition.

Technology of the Indian Institute

Background The Indian Institutes of Technology are one of the best technical schools in India. They give birth to new technology and hence they are a paradice to intelligent students all over the world [citation needed]. They do allow other kinds of students too through a different system. The rest of IIT is mostly filled with technical students. IITs use a lot of technology and hence the rest of this post will talk with several examples on how IITM uses technology to make the lives of the IITians easier.

Form filling:

Lots of work in IITM happens through forms, forms are filled up to give preference for a Humanities course or to join the GYM or to submit personal details for records or to even pay the fees. IITM has revolutionised the way students approach forms with the introduction of computers.

In the olden days, students used to maually write out the fields of a form on paper and submit them. Instead of manually writing down a form, one can now instead print a form and fill it up a form and submit. This saves a lot of time involved in writing down the form details. IITM has introduced the patented concept of 'printed forms' that cuts down the student effort by around 50% as the students only have to write down the answers and not the questions as well.

Form Submission

The difficulty of going to places visiting people to get the forms submitted is well known. IITs have found an innovative walk-through for this. Students now don't have to walk all the way to the place of submission(Gymkhana office/bank/department), the students can instead, take a bus. Buses have been introduced in IITM for transportation of the students from one part to another. The buses are GPS tracked to ensure better quality of service.

With multiple floors in each department, having to get signatures from multiple people is a himalayan task. To scale the Himalayas, elevators have been set up. (disambiguation: not to confuse this with the Himalaya mess where there are no elevators)

There are occasions where one has to intimate the official in the administration block about the details like name, roll number, department height, weight, department, marital status, age, batch, department, sexuality and so on for administrative purposes. It is difficult to meet them in person as they may not be out of office or on a sabatical leave at the time you want to visit them. IITs have cleverly tackled this nightmare cleverly with the introducing emails.

One can now just send an email to an official in the academic section and find out when they are free so that he can go there at that time and give them his details.

Decentralised Storage

Individual data about the students can be easily lost in case of an accident. In case, the records are stored centrally, this could be a blunder for the student. IITM adminitration has introduced decentralised storage of data. The same details about a person are stored in multiple places and the students separately submit their details to each place as and when they are requested. Wherever one registers, (Gymkhana, HS course, Bank) and for each event he registers (Gym / Swimming), he gives his information separately.

Continuous Updates

The IITM officials poll constantly and seek student information like blood group, date of birth and parents' names every year. Any changes in the same are quickly noted and updated. Again technology in the form of OMR readers are used to note all the updates.

Right to information

The CCW office considers it a fundamental right of every IITian to know his details. A student can query his monthly expenditures and other details easily. Yet again modern technology has been used in the CCW office. To make sure only students enter the CCW office and non-students stay away, CCTV cameras monitor every person entering the CCW office. This way people who are not students cannot enter the building and find out their non-existant information. A student after a 15 minute interrogation with Mani, places his request in the CCW office and within a week the student can find out his monthly expenditure.

Thus technology has revolutionised the lives of IITians making it happier. We the students of IITM give and share, have and receive from IITM. If you liked the post and managed to get the point, please share it on your favourite social networking site.